Sunday, November 8, 2009

Tips for dealing with angry and upset people


DO ... DON’T ...

Use the magic phrase “I can see/hear that you are upset”

Don’t ever tell anyone to “calm down!’

You can respect people’s feelings, values and beliefs by acknowledging them.

You do not need to approve or of them or agree with them.

Speak the speaker’s language – key words and phrases.

Don’t use the broken record technique.

Reflect feelings and facts.

Don’t rationalise with someone irrational – it doesn’t work!

Clarify and paraphrase positively.

Don’t be intent on getting them to do something specific – it will be perceived as controlling.

Ask open questions.

Avoid closed questions.

Use questioning to influence state

Don’t be defensive.

Give people choices

Don’t threaten.

· The tone of a statement can completely change depending on which words the speaker emphasises for example a sentence can sound soothing or defensive depending on where the emphasis is put.

· Try out phrases putting the emphasis on different words to decide where the emphasis needs to be for calming the situation.