DO ... DON’T ...
| Use the magic phrase “I can see/hear that you are upset” | Don’t ever tell anyone to “calm down!’ |
| You can respect people’s feelings, values and beliefs by acknowledging them. | You do not need to approve or of them or agree with them. |
| Speak the speaker’s language – key words and phrases. | Don’t use the broken record technique. |
| Reflect feelings and facts. | Don’t rationalise with someone irrational – it doesn’t work! |
| Clarify and paraphrase positively. | Don’t be intent on getting them to do something specific – it will be perceived as controlling. |
| Ask open questions. | Avoid closed questions. |
| Use questioning to influence state | Don’t be defensive. |
| Give people choices | Don’t threaten. |
· The tone of a statement can completely change depending on which words the speaker emphasises for example a sentence can sound soothing or defensive depending on where the emphasis is put.
· Try out phrases putting the emphasis on different words to decide where the emphasis needs to be for calming the situation.
