Language at work- Canvassing ideas!

You've probably noticed that it is the women at work who will often ask for ideas, opinions and thoughts from others, more than the men. We like to hear what others think and some of us feel it's good to have others input but of course that does not mean we will actually put into action your ideas or opinions.

This type of behaviour is often done to build rapport or as a sign of respect and sometimes genuine curiosity, it is a female way of working but not exclusively. Some women are very aware that this is a signal of good team working or one of the foundations of building a team depending on the context and who could be observing.

When coaching one to one men tell me they can find this behaviour tiresome as some will interpret it as indecisiveness or being easily swayed, others can see it as great team working but not necessarily as good leadership.

We all know that being asked our ideas and opinions can be flattering and a good conversation opener but used too often this tactic will backfire and can even be seen as manipulative.

Being aware of your impact and behaviour within the team and the organisation as a whole can bring great rewards, not only personal insight and understanding but also a way of working that is thoughtful and professional.

Language at work- the habitual apologiser!

Have you noticed that some women apologise for everything almost compulsively?

Some women just say 'sorry' a lot and often it is done subconsciously, without awareness and for some it's habitual. Sometimes it's seen as politeness by the user for example "sorry it's now time to move on", "sorry I did mean to get back to you". It can also be used as a sign of respect to a colleague or senior worker.

Men do not use apologies in the same way and very rarely to the same extent, in fact I've never heard a man habitually apologise at work or socially. In a work environment men who hear women apologise alot often see it as a weakness or defensiveness or even worse conforming to some extreme female stereotype.

Listen carefully to others, men and women for their use of apologies and then listen out for your own - do you use them more than is necessary? By this I mean do you use it without the real intention of an apology so it's used as a filler in the sentence or an opener for example "Oh sorry Simon, really sorry about not making your meeting, I was so busy I'll be there next time yep so .. er ... sorry", far too many apologies!

What is the real underlying reason for this, where's the tension?

Take a mental note and reduce it if you are in a career where personal impact matters and especially if you are in management. How does a manager who uses apologies far too frequently come across?