So what do you want?

Do you get tired of knowing you want something but never getting it? For example getting to that weight or dress size, saying you'll do all that is needed to get there for example go to the gym, join a bootcamp, go jogging, the list goes on.

Well don't worry you're not the only one I know from experience a lot of people find it hard. I know some even stop telling friends and family they keep it secret, then they won't be held accountable in any way. For this article I'm going to use the example of wanting to be a size 10 but it can be anything.

The first step is to relax! Yes relax stop beating yourself up about it, just sit calmly for ten minutes and really think - what do you want?

What's important to you in being a size 10?

What does it look like? For example you say I want to be a size 10 so tell me what does size 10 look like to you?

Now really picture yourself a size 10, often I'm told "it's when I'll be able to wear ....." Great well see yourself in that, get a real feel for how size 10 looks and now how it feels. So imagine putting on that dress, bikini or whatever it is.

If you don't have a piece of clothing in mind - get one, something you would really love to wear.

Imagine where you'll be putting this lovely item of clothing on - in the shop changing room or your bedroom?

Now imagine how good you'll feel wearing such a gorgeous dress, really get into it. The unconscious doesn't distinguish between 'real' or a vividly imagined scenario so it is very powerful.

What I'm really asking you to do is develop and refine a goal but a very special goal, one that is unique to you, one that you can really see and feel. You will feel anticipation and excitement when you describe this goal to a good friend, loved one, your life coach or personal trainer.

This is the first step on your action plan to getting what you want, to being successful your way!

Yes of course physical exercise and diet would be in your action plan getting you to a size 10. However the very first step and often the one that is skimmed over, not fully explored or just missed out is about you really defining and being crystal clear about what YOU want - it's your goal.

If you have any questions about this article or would like to discuss your particular circumstance please feel free to get in touch.

How coaching can make the difference - Carol's story

Carol works full time and has three children aged 12 to 17, she feels like a single/married woman as her husband travels a lot with his job. She finds her life very stressful saying "every minute is accounted for, it's like walking a tight rope".

Carol had difficulty in sleeping and initially came to me to find ways of reorganising her time so she could switch off, sleep better and manage home and career better. However after our initial discussion it became clear to both of us that at the root of her stress and anxiety was her fear of making decisions. A real fear that affected her work and home life.

The risk of making decisions without her husband or her manager was debilitating because she could be wrong. Now being very thorough Carol had an impressive list of all the wrong decisions she had made to prove to me that she always needed someone to oversee her or guide her.

The fear of making mistakes had resulted in a paralysis in her life not just her career, she also felt it physically in her body. She was very smart at avoiding or delaying situations where major decisions had to be made. Carol was stuck in a rut.

We agreed four coaching meetings of one hour, we would review how things were on our fourth and final meeting. Within the meetings we were able to reframe her mistakes as opportunities for learning and experience. So her mistakes were normalised as part of of her learning process at work and at home.

We also looked at where the fears came from which led to some real understanding of her self and her resulting behaviour. In small and deliberate steps she began to take risks and started to trust herself more and more and this built on her new found confidence.

Four meetings was just right for Carol when we met three months later her confidence and trust in herself had really grown. She was sleeping a lot better and she looked very different her body language had radically changed telling me here was a confident and relaxed woman. When asked about making decisions she put quite simply - "its part of the course of daily life not like the huge mountains I had climb before our meetings, that was an exhausting way to live".

Carol is not her real name and permission has been given to publish this scenario from the original client (11/09).